The last time I wrote on this blog was when I was about to give birth to my second child, my son. I remember that my focus was my children’s joy and wellbeing, as I was drowned in dark times, depressing times that sunk me very deep.
Today, close to 5 years later, I am a single mom, proudly working hard to raise my kids the best I possibly can, and provide them with the best environment I can find.
Between then and now, I have been through very intense moments, including a divorce, 4 court appearances because of the tedious divorce, harsh memorable and painful moments, that have not yet washed away from my skin. This is just to name a few…
There is something to be said about divorces that go wrong. We somehow always knew they were coming… as though preparing for them since we are young. I have been so resilient, strong, and courageous. I have faced close to impossible moments of tension and pressure. But today, I feel tired, I feel 10 years older than I am, I feel drained out.
To think that we escape one problem to make life easier is partly foolish because the problem stays, we just decide to move away from it.
Facing the fact that I will not be able to offer my kids everything I would like to because I have to negotiate everything with their dad; I will not be able to teach them all I would like them to learn from a young age because the custody schedule just does not allow it and their father won’t cooperate, are all things that are gradually slowing me down.
Thinking I was a warrior, that could not be ‘crushed down’ as my ex would say, or a super single mom, that would not let anything stop me because it seems ‘difficult’ as my ex would say, I gave myself challenges that I might not be able to accomplish.
I am tired. Really tired.