Coffee society

As though it has been all planned out: Drink coffee. Get the kids prepped for school. Run to work. Get coffee. Work work work. Get coffee. Work some more. Run to get the kids. Homework. Supper. Bedtime routine. Housework. Sleep not enough. Wake up. Drink coffee. 

We have managed to build a society that runs on false stimulation. Most people need to work. They wouldn’t be able to survive otherwise; unless they were self-sufficient. Maybe little self-managed farms could do the trick, but then income levels would go low, consumption would reduce, and GDP would drop. Traditional economists would not like that.

So we work most of the hours of our lives on jobs that do not necessarily inspire us all. If we could, we rather be spending more time with our family, with our children. There is something to be said about the fact that as of the age of 4 or 5, and to most, even as of 1, children spend most of their time with strangers. They are strangers to us, but definitely not to our kids any longer.

Yet, we expect our kids to listen to us, their parents. We expect them to behave in ways we are not around enough to show them. Instead, we work to get them to live in good standards, study in good schools and grow up in good neighbourhoods. We tire ourselves and they get tired out until the end of the day, when we meet again, and have close to no energy left to be patient, creative, or inspiring. And to survive it all, we drink coffee.

We perform better at work because of it, find more patience with our kids because of it, and get the energy to finally do the things we enjoy doing because of it, even though our body is dead tired after all the work we have completed and all the sleep we are lacking. A society run on coffee – that’s what we have managed to build.

 

 

 

Time passes and change stays

The last time I wrote on this blog was when I was about to give birth to my second child, my son. I remember that my focus was my children’s joy and wellbeing, as I was drowned in dark times, depressing times that sunk me very deep.

Today, close to 5 years later, I am a single mom, proudly working hard to raise my kids the best I possibly can, and provide them with the best environment I can find.

Between then and now, I have been through very intense moments, including a divorce, 4 court appearances because of the tedious divorce, harsh memorable and painful moments, that have not yet washed away from my skin. This is just to name a few…

There is something to be said about divorces that go wrong. We somehow always knew they were coming… as though preparing for them since we are young. I have been so resilient, strong, and courageous. I have faced close to impossible moments of tension and pressure. But today, I feel tired, I feel 10 years older than I am, I feel drained out.

To think that we escape one problem to make life easier is partly foolish because the problem stays, we just decide to move away from it.

Facing the fact that I will not be able to offer my kids everything I would like to because I have to negotiate everything with their dad; I will not be able to teach them all I would like them to learn from a young age because the custody schedule just does not allow it and their father won’t cooperate, are all things that are gradually slowing me down.

Thinking I was a warrior, that could not be ‘crushed down’ as my ex would say, or a super single mom, that would not let anything stop me because it seems ‘difficult’ as my ex would say, I gave myself challenges that I might not be able to accomplish.

I am tired. Really tired.